After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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