he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
