my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
