He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
