I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
