Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
