I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
