I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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