The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
