it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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