YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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