Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
