did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
