Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
