I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
