Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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