I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
