Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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