Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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