people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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