You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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