There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
