Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
