so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
