you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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