I wish I could teleport
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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