I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
