So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
