from now on my penis is your penis
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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