My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
