no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
