That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
