I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
