Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
