You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
