ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
