the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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