You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
