i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
