This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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