we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
