Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
