are you still at the devil's house?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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