Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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