My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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