please come you make the beer taste better
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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