My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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