Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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