i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
