I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My pussy is not your playground.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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