If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
