i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
