I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
