this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
