he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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