i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
